His Plan

I had the opportunity to share my conversion story tonight. I secretly wish it would happen more. Each time I share it I realize the love my Heavenly Father has for me. What I realized tonight was how aware He was of me. The Gospel is what I needed at that exact moment. Not six months before or two weeks later. It was no happenstance, coincidence, or luck. It was all part of His plan. Besides the unfortunate set of circumstances I was in, Heavenly Father knew what I needed in that time and blessed me with this wonderful Gospel. A couple years ago I took the opportunity to share my conversion on my blog as well. I broke it up into the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ; faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. It was a fun way to share my story. Go check it out if you want to.

I was going to blog yesterday but I was still brainstorming. I guess I needed to add that tidbit along with what I learned in Church. Without question, I know that we receive revelation for ourselves as we attend our meetings each Sunday. Sacrament meeting was accompanied by two Elders from the area who rekindled the most joyous times on my mission. It caused me to reflect on the many relationships I have made by serving a mission. From as short as 12 days to 18 months; making friendships with ward members, fellow missionaries and the great people of Oregon. I am grateful for those eternal friendships. Some stronger than others (I wish some of them were finer) but nonetheless, friendships that I will always be grateful for. We stood and sang Called To Serve and it felt like I was right back in Zone Conference. Which evidently made me happy.

On a completely different subject now but one I take to heart. One funny thing about Provo is that your family, superiors, and peers expect you to be dating someone. Which honestly slightly annoys me. My ward offers a dating class. Yes, you can laugh. I did when I heard that this was an actual thing. Did I attend yesterday? I did. Yes, I give you permission to laugh again. Let's first discuss that I was terrified to go in there. I wasn't going in there to snatch up a date or to figure out what I was doing wrong but rather, I went in there to see what the Spirit had to say about "dating." I'm happy I chose to go. The pressure that creates the image that we need to be married and have three kids by the age of 25 is not for all people and quite frankly starts at a young age. Praise to those who were and are given that opportunity. Again, Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I have encountered so many young women in my life that think something is wrong with them, or that they aren't attractive enough, or simply not good enough. I would like to say that that those reasons are completely unrelated to why you haven't been given the "chance." What I learned from the spirit in this class is of course everyone wants to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. When you don't experience such things you feel the complete opposite and you get discouraged. Both are completely logical. One thing I have learned is that we are among the noble and great. We deserve only the best. Heavenly Father is only going to give us the best. No less than. We shouldn't be looking for the worlds approval. Heavenly Father has set an expectation for each one of us. He sends us down wrong roads so we have confidence in the right ones. Sometimes we are tempted with the idea to think the wrong road was the right road. Sometimes we are tempted with the idea that it wasn't the wrong road. Send those temptations back to where they came from. Heavenly Father knows best. Like I said, this image is being created at a very young age. Girls think that they need to have the best of the best. Since they don't look like the popular pretty girls, they aren't worth it. That if they haven't been asked on a date they will never get married. Sometimes they are given a taste of what others are experiencing but unfortunately it doesn't last. Don't think you have to explain yourself. You learned, now move on. Now, will I go back to this so called dating class? Probably not. I think I'll stick to Gospel Doctrine. However, the Spirit whispered things to me that I needed to hear. I'm not the dating expert but I know the reasons for everything that I had to experience and it's okay that way. I know that we are all worth it and to trust in Heavenly Father and be content with the love He has given us. His love is perfect and will never fail us.

I hope that this all makes sense. What this blog goes into are two things I am very passionate about. The relationships I have made on my mission are some of the most important friendships to me. The self-worth of a women is a delicate thing to tamper with (especially in this corrupt world) and I believe women have a powerful role in the world and when that self-worth is messed with it's shattering. So if I could sum this up and give young women one piece of advice it would be to not seek for the worlds expectation, but for the Lord's. I could go for days on this topic but for your sake, I will end here.

Be obedient. Be prayerful. Be constant.

Lately I have been thinking what I can blog about. I don't want to blog about random things that are happening in my life (what I did over the weekend, what happened at the stop light today, etc). I want to blog about things that I'm passionate about. Things that have changed me for the better. I want my blog to encourage others.

That being said, I'm very passionate about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Obviously. Today I was able to attend a farewell of Tamsyn who will be serving in the Indiana Indianapolis Mission. Let's start of by saying what a beautiful job she did. That testimony of hers is going to take her far. Tamsyn is part of the family that introduced me to the Gospel. The Lowe Family (not just Ron's family-- the entire family) is an amazing family who has set the example of  what a righteous family should be. People who keep their covenants (promises) and strive each day to become a better person than they were yesterday. I could go for days about what this family has done for me.

Today in sacrament meeting, I knew it was going to be an emotional day when the opening hymn was "called to serve." Of course it was going to be about missionary work but I thought I could keep it together. Wrong.  I am well pleased at where Heavenly Father has taken me since I've been home. I know Provo is where I need to be. There are people who need me here and I know there are people here that I need. However, there are days when I miss being a missionary. To put that badge on and go and share the Restored gospel. I'm so jealous that Tamsyn has 18 months ahead of her to go and do exactly that. Again, her sweet testimony is going to get her into doors that no one has ever been able to get into.

I think what stood out the most today was the love my Heavenly Father has for me and for all His children. I mean, everything depicts that love. I really like what Tamsyn said today in her talk; "Heavenly Father has sent us His perfect son." It made me think about how hard it must have been for our Father in Heaven to watch the dying struggles of His son. What a selfless act of love. In the sacrament hymn "Reverently and Meekly Now" verse four stood out to me.

"At the throne I intercede;

For thee ever do I plead.

I have loved thee as they friend,

With a love that cannot end.

Be obedient, I implore, 

Prayerful, watchful evermore, 

And be constant unto me, 

That thy Savior I may be."

My advice to Tamsyn would be just that. Be obedient. Be prayerful. Be constant. I love that. We can't just choose what we want to do and when we want to. It's not our timetable. It's His. Or in this aspect; it's His work. He knows my needs (and trust me, I have a lot of them). I have been promised that if I do what He wants me to do-- not what the world wants me to do-- I will be given those things.

3 Nephi 13:32-34 "For Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these things... But seek ye first the kingdom of God... Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself..." 

Step five: Endure to the End

Months went by and my sisters still weren't talking to me (except Jennifer). I prayed every night that they would start talking to me. This too shall pass. When? I started losing faith that they would talk to me. I started looking into my future trying to figure out how I could live without them. I stopped praying for their understanding.

In May of 2008 I was graduating. I wanted my family to be there to watch me receive my diploma and to yell for me that I actually did it. They indeed were there to watch me receive my diploma but I felt they weren't there for me. They were there for Jennifer. At least they saw it, right?

Before I graduated, I felt like my friends weren't accepting of my choice to get baptized. I kept thinking that thought. Why did I do this? It's ruining everything. I feel like I'm losing my friends, my family, I still haven't met my niece Sophia, and I haven't yet figured out what I want to do with my life.

During the summer I had a good talk with my friend Bonnie. She's also a convert to the Church. I was asking her how she did it. How she drastically changed her life; she told me that it was drastic but it was all worth it.

That night I realized I wasn't reading my scriptures as much. I wasn't praying after I lost hope with my sisters. What Bonnie said popped in my head, it was [is] all worth it. I got down on my knees where I knew Heavenly Father heard me the best. I cried to Him that night for comfort, for courage, and for strength to overcome what I was going through. After I prayed, I turned to a scripture one of the sister missionaries showed me (Sister Holly Beck) and it read: "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst they brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success." After reading that scripture I realized that not only do I need faith and hope in the Lord, I need to have patience in His timetable for me.

The following Christmas, I finally met my niece and talked with my sisters. A few months after that I started talking to my sisters more and grew stronger relationships with them.

Years have come and gone and I have faced many trials. I have lost friends but I have gained many great ones in return, I have been used by someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I have faced financial burdens, and school hasn't been the easiest. I, however, have kept faith in His timetable for me. He's my compass. He knows me better.

The last four years have been the toughest but yet rewarding time of my life. I received the precious gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I know that His Son is there for me. I wouldn't change my decision for anything or anyone. If I had to, I would go back and do everything over again.

I have gained such faith and knowledge the He is fully aware of me and that He loves me. In conference Uchtdorf said, "Compared to God we are nothing, But to God we are everything."

This Church is what brought me true happiness in life. It was that missing puzzle piece I was searching for for 17 years. I found His path.

Now what am I going to do? I'm filling my mission papers out and handing them in at the end of November 2011. I'm going on a mission! I'm going out to serve the Lord and bring His children back to the path that will lead them to eternity of happiness. I know it's going to be the best and worst 18 months but I know, again, that He is aware of me. He knows where I need to go.

He loves me and I love Him. People need that knowledge in their lives.

"Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life." 3 Nephi 15:9