Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Step two: Repentance

Elder Carver and Elder Trubey wasn't going to give up on me. What can I say to get out of it this week? That only lasted about two weeks though. I enjoyed when the missionaries came over. I instantly had two best friends that would come over whenever I needed them to-- the true happiness they brought through loving something so strong was something I admired most about them.

I didn't know much about the "Mormon" Church so I asked them if we can start from square one. What they believed in. Why they thought it was the true Church.

I had a problem towards the Temple. Why couldn't I go in? Was I looked down on by not being Mormon? The missionaries always had the right answer to all of my questions. I couldn't argue against anything-- they always had applicable answers to my questions.

They asked me to pray. I don't know how to pray. Who do I pray for? What do I pray for? They simply said (not direct quote), "You talk to your Heavenly Father." Hmm I could do that-- it's not that hard. I felt awkward when I first prayed. It was something unfamiliar that I never experienced before. That feeling came back again when I knelt down and starting "talking" to God. I didn't stop praying though. I just let Him know that I was new at praying; I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know why I was doing all of this. Rachel's saying popped up into my head, "things always happen for a reason." I don't know why I suddenly thought of that but it really calmed me down.

The next appointment I had with the Elders was about me praying and what I felt. I told them about that feeling I have had when thinking about Church and while attending. They broke out into the biggest smiles. Did I say something wrong? They replied, "that's the Spirit Mary." The Spirit? What did they mean by that?

That day they discussed with me that I needed to pray about the truth of the Church. Okay. They said that I need to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness to those things that I may have done that wasn't acceptable with the Church; drinking, smoking, etc. Things that contaminated the word of God. Okay. 

The lesson that stood out most was the Atonement. I had no knowledge on this either, so they told me an easy way to understand. The Atonement is offered to us Children of God to return back to our Heavenly Father. Through our Agency (our right to choose) we might choose the wrong. But no worries, the Atonement fixes everything. The Lord wants us to know that there is always a way back.

I again prayed that night. This time I felt comfortable with it; I had something I can pray about. I prayed that I would feel the Atonement work in my life.

While I was going through the lessons I had family issues evolve. I soon didn't go back home. I moved in with the Lowe's (Alyssa and her family). My sisters got angry and stopped talking to me, my mom and dad were angry with me, and I felt like no one understood where I was coming from. Although I had support from Rachel and Annie, the Lowe's, and the missionaries, I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

But I was never alone. I soon learned thar Jesus Christ bled for my sins (my trials) he has felt exactly everything that I have gone through. I soon started gaining more faith-- remember? The first step?-- that all of this was happening for a reason. Why was I given this trial? 

I wasn't depressed-- you would think I would be. I was content. I wasn't out of the world happy and I wasn't depressed. Shouldn't I be depressed? The missionaries saw my progress. They taught me everything I needed to hear. Everything was fitting into place. Just like that missing puzzle piece.

They asked me if I would get baptized.

Repentance: The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind. Example; a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. 

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