Saturday, October 8, 2011

Step five: Endure to the End

Months went by and my sisters still weren't talking to me (except Jennifer). I prayed every night that they would start talking to me. This too shall pass. When? I started losing faith that they would talk to me. I started looking into my future trying to figure out how I could live without them. I stopped praying for their understanding.

In May of 2008 I was graduating. I wanted my family to be there to watch me receive my diploma and to yell for me that I actually did it. They indeed were there to watch me receive my diploma but I felt they weren't there for me. They were there for Jennifer. At least they saw it, right?

Before I graduated, I felt like my friends weren't accepting of my choice to get baptized. I kept thinking that thought. Why did I do this? It's ruining everything. I feel like I'm losing my friends, my family, I still haven't met my niece Sophia, and I haven't yet figured out what I want to do with my life.

During the summer I had a good talk with my friend Bonnie. She's also a convert to the Church. I was asking her how she did it. How she drastically changed her life; she told me that it was drastic but it was all worth it.

That night I realized I wasn't reading my scriptures as much. I wasn't praying after I lost hope with my sisters. What Bonnie said popped in my head, it was [is] all worth it. I got down on my knees where I knew Heavenly Father heard me the best. I cried to Him that night for comfort, for courage, and for strength to overcome what I was going through. After I prayed, I turned to a scripture one of the sister missionaries showed me (Sister Holly Beck) and it read: "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst they brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success." After reading that scripture I realized that not only do I need faith and hope in the Lord, I need to have patience in His timetable for me.

The following Christmas, I finally met my niece and talked with my sisters. A few months after that I started talking to my sisters more and grew stronger relationships with them.

Years have come and gone and I have faced many trials. I have lost friends but I have gained many great ones in return, I have been used by someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I have faced financial burdens, and school hasn't been the easiest. I, however, have kept faith in His timetable for me. He's my compass. He knows me better.

The last four years have been the toughest but yet rewarding time of my life. I received the precious gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I know that His Son is there for me. I wouldn't change my decision for anything or anyone. If I had to, I would go back and do everything over again.

I have gained such faith and knowledge the He is fully aware of me and that He loves me. In conference Uchtdorf said, "Compared to God we are nothing, But to God we are everything."

This Church is what brought me true happiness in life. It was that missing puzzle piece I was searching for for 17 years. I found His path.

Now what am I going to do? I'm filling my mission papers out and handing them in at the end of November 2011. I'm going on a mission! I'm going out to serve the Lord and bring His children back to the path that will lead them to eternity of happiness. I know it's going to be the best and worst 18 months but I know, again, that He is aware of me. He knows where I need to go.

He loves me and I love Him. People need that knowledge in their lives.

"Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life." 3 Nephi 15:9

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