I have been working on a blog post for a couple of days but realized I want to blog about something different. Today is a bittersweet day for me. It's my first Mothers Day without a mom here in this mortal life. I know my mom is here with me and she is my biggest fan cheering me on from the other side of the veil. It's simply just not the same though.
My mother and I never had the strongest mother-daughter bond that I have been seeing others have all over Facebook and Instagram. Trust me, I envy those relationships they have with their mothers. Today in Church we were asked to ponder on the example of our mother. Quite honestly, my mother made terrible choices in her life. She let the worldly attractions of all sorts get the best of her. As a daughter you long for that ideal relationship and would do anything for it. One thing I have become aware of is that famous quote we hear, "you never realize what you have until it's gone." My mom tried. She tried being there for me at any time of need. She tried making good choices. She tried supporting her family with what little she had. Satan had a grasp on my mom that was hard for her to break from. Many people in her life could see that and would agree. My mom showed me to try no matter what. To reach those dreams I dreamed of since I was young.
I have wonderful mother figures in my life and know that I can look up to those examples and live by those. However, there is a part of my heart that will never be filled. In the last six months I have had many times I wanted to call her. I have found that when I am sick I just want to hear her voice. When I am stressed I just want to hear her tell me that all will be well. When I am heartbroken and feel used I want to call someone who will just listen and not tell me what a fool I am for what happened. When I get a 3.7 I want to call her and make her proud. There are those things only a mother can help with.
How grateful I am that this separation is only temporary and that I will see her again. The loss of my mother has solidified my testimony of the Plan of Salvation and I know without a doubt that it is real. Even though I never spoke highly of her and never had that relationship each daughter and mother should have, I still love her. I can't wait to see her again and hear all about what she knows.
Now a shout out to those who have been mother figures in my life. You know who you are. Thank you for your examples of love and kindness. I wouldn't be the woman I am today without your examples. One day I will have my own family and will take things that I have learned from each of you and apply them in rearing my children and show them that unconditional love that I want to give to my future family. So, thank you. Seriously for everything you have done for me.
