This is what I found out after I posted what I wrote last. I didn't want to delete the last post because... well I don't want to. It will make sense if you read both of them. They are long but eh. Like I said before, you don't have to read these. ha
What I find beautiful in the Church and its works is that after you humbly pray with full heart and full intention, something that you said or something that someone said to you awhile ago pops in your mind, or a scripture stands out most to you when you're reading your scriptures, or a simple yet most comforting feeling comes to you when you are crying to our Lord for courage and strength to get through the next day. Sorry, I know this is getting personal but I just prayed and literally cried and asked Him to simply be with me. I know He's always there. As I write this I think back to a time where a girl Amanda said that the Lord is always there. However, when we do something that let's say "bothers" Him, He'll just leave the room. I feel like He knows me the best. I feel most comfortable when I'm centered around Christ. When I'm not, I start thinking differently about myself- where my life will end up at- and I feel His presence start fading away. What can I do to bring Him back? I do exactly what I'm supposed to do. I pray to Him asking for His hand, I read my scriptures and pay attention; not let those worldly attractions get the best of me, and I center myself around Him. Right now I'm reading the scriptures. I read a scripture that was an instant answer. Not kidding. I prayed then started reading then came across this scripture: "But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him." Mosiah 29:20. It's easier said than done (at least in my mind) but we need to do just that. Trust in him and pray humbly and He will be there to help us and bring us out of bondage. It may not be right away, and when he does take us out of bondage, it'll still be hard but like I said, He knows me better than I know myself. He will provide what I need according to what He knows is best. I will get married to that prince charming that everyone says will come along, I will listen to my heart and do what I think is right (with much prayer), I do deserve better than what I've been getting. Maybe this guy will end up realizing that he needs to work harder. And things happen for a reason-- even if things do ignite into flames.
Earth to Mary (yes, third person), things happen for a reason. "Pray for the strength to walk the high road, which at times may be lonely but which will lead to peace and happiness and joy supernal." -President Gordon B. Hinckley
p.s. if you haven't noticed, I packed my journal away. Maybe that was a bad idea. Thanks for listening to my bipolar-ness.