Lovely

Have you heard the song Lovely by Sara Haze? I'm sure you have. I'm just clearly out of the loop.

It's one of those songs that make me feel better about myself when I feel not so beautiful, not worth it, lonely, useless... yeah you get the point. Music really helps me get through whatever feeling I'm encountering so of course this song speaks louder than it might to you. I have heard it a handful of times before but I really listened to it today while I was on Pandora. Well...now it's on repeat.

Let's clear this up. I'm going on a mission in 46 days and I couldn't be any more excited. However, when people tell me not to feel discouraged if something doesn't work out because I'm going on a mission, that's not going to help the way I'm feeling. I understand that I need to focus on preparing to serve and trust me, I am trying the hardest I can but it doesn't freeze those emotions I get. I'm still "crushing," I still get stressed out when I think of my future, and still have financial burdens. The list goes on.

Because I keep hearing this typical response, I just end up keeping things to myself. Well, that's not how I deal with stress. I need to talk about it with people. Well my friend Jessica and I hung out tonight and I got to vent to her about a lot of things and told her that I can't freeze my emotions. She was totally understandable. She gave me advice but mostly listened. I was so grateful.

In my last post about pride, I talked about how I looked at everyone and the things they have and I sometimes am jealous of what they have. Well, I need to stop that. I need to stop listening to those people around me who make me feel like I'm nothing (sad to say I have people like that in my life).

I know this song is most likely directed to an ex boyfriend or whatever but it can be to whoever, really.

And what gives you the right
To tell me who I should be
Who gave you that right

...

I know you want the best
Yeah only good things for me
But you have to realize
I can't be all these things you project on me
Cause I'm beautiful to me
Doesn't that mean a thing
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sara_haze/lovely.html ]
I feel lovely

Does this post even make sense? If it doesn't, just listen to the song. I love it.