Friday, June 17, 2011


What happens when I can't sleep? I start thinking. A lot. Don't you wish you could just switch off that part of your brain? Because I do.

My lovely iPod makes me think even more. Today I saw missionaries driving and I was thinking, they can't even listen to music [I understand why they can't]. I find that the time where I think the most. Like right now I'm listening to this song called Into The Light by In This Moment. Holy crap. Most depressing song ever. Even though, like I said, it's a depressing song I sit here and think about how blessed I am to not be afflicted with this torture. Listen to this song and you'll understand [I'm going to add that she has an amazing voice!].

Let's proceed. I think I have been here laying in bed after tossing and turning for an hour or so just listening to music. Conveying different emotions to the surface; sad, happy, angry, frustrated, motionless. Which led me to self ponder.

I know that I have already discussed the things I have to offer a few posts back. If you don't care to read any further... well don't. Because I'm going to sort of go on another tangent about it. Not particularly on what I have to offer though. Sort of on the same lines though.

Why don't I just get to the point already?

While listening to this music and thinking, I was realizing that I have been on a roller coaster of crowded emotions. So, like my optimistic self, what do I try and do? I try and figure out a way to deviate myself from it. I try and figure out a way to be content with myself. I don't want to be out of the world happy, I most definitely don't want to be sad, I don't want anger, frustration or any unpleasant feelings. I want to be content.

I sat here thinking about things that make me feel good about who I am.
  • I'm a firm believer of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • I'm independent.
  • I'm mostly myself when I contemplate the scriptures and talks. Actually study them and learn more.
  • I'm an example.
  • I'm a good friend. Many tell me that I'm a good friend. I like to agree with them. I love to listen to people; try and help them out with anything they need.
So you all may be wondering, so what. She has all of these qualities. How is that possibly going to help her become content with herself?

Well I'll tell ya. Same order as the list above.

  • The Gospel is my foundation. It's what keeps me sturdy. I'm going to surround myself with people who believe the same as I do. I'll marry the man of my dreams in the Temple and wont settle for less. I'll help people who have great potential return to the Church after they have fallen away.
  • I hate to let people down when I feel like I'm the team leader but I'm doing things for myself. I'm going to go places with this. I'm not going to listen to the people whispering in my ear "I told you so" or "you should have listened to what I said." I will not. I will go alone and learn from my own mistakes and let you all know that it's all about the experience.
  • I will make it a goal to actually study and dissect the scriptures and talks to learn more about what I already have a testimony on.
  • People always tell me how great I am, how strong I am. Yeah, I have gone through a lot of stuff. That's how we learn. We learn from making mistakes and learning from each stupid move we made. So, I'm going to attempt to be the best I know I can be and have people tell me that I'm an example and someone to look up to. Conceited much? Yeah, maybe. Look up that word. It's not as bad as it sounds.
  • I will be a better friend than I already am. I will stretch out my hand to any in need of a lift.
Once again, I'm sorry [I shouldn't be] that a lot of my posts have been about myself. That's the point of blogs though, right? Is to write about what has been going on in your life. That's what I'm doing. I'm truly understanding who I really am at this time of my life. Glad I'm 20 and figuring it all out and not 40.

Well goodnight, blog world!

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